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諾貝爾和平獎-那塊砸在奧巴馬臉上的蛋糕
美東時間，2009年10月9日清晨6點，夢中的美國總統奧巴馬被電話鈴聲喚醒；原來，是白宮新聞秘書羅伯特•吉布斯來電，聽了報告後，奧巴馬除了立刻掐一下自己，以確認自己是否還在夢鄉裏；之外，他還本能地望一下床頭的電子日曆，確定今天不是4月1日（愚人節），而是他家小狗‘波’的生日。
當聽得新聞秘書羅伯特•吉布斯的報告時，奧巴馬驚訝得好似，臺灣的中華文化復興委員會通知他：“令媛撒莎（Sasha，生於2001年）當選2009年模範母親”一樣。殊不知，本屆獲得諾貝爾物理學獎的高錕，他獲獎是表彰他建立的光纖通信傳輸理論；然而，此理論是近半個世紀之前創立的。獲獎後，高夫人說：此獎如果早一年前給高錕就好了；因為。高錕現在已經患了老年癡呆症。難不成，挪威諾貝爾和平獎委員會在彌補這一缺憾嗎？還是在罵人呢？
“他娘的，會不會來的早了些？俺都不知自己曾幹過啥好事，還是在哪座寺廟燒過高香呢！咋辦呢，說啥呢？真他娘的難辦！”。奧巴馬一邊罵罵咧咧，一邊絮絮叨叨自言自語地溜下床，走出臥房，他此刻正為如何回應，此一突如其來的消息而發愁；因為，奧巴馬實在想不出自己得獎的理由。
精神恍惚地走在白宮的走廊上，奧巴馬碰見一位白宮官員，他連忙抓住此人問道：“今天不是4月1號吧？”，那白宮官員慌忙地回答：“恭喜總統先生！今天不是4月1號！”；其實，這官員心裏想：“咳，實際上我也這麽認為，你問我，我問誰！”。
挪威諾貝爾和平獎委員會（註1）在奧斯陸發出的奧巴馬的獲獎贊詞，如下：
『“挪威諾貝爾委員會決定將2009年諾貝爾和平獎授予奧巴馬總統。因為，他為加強世界外交，和世界人民合作做出了非凡的努力。諾貝爾委員會尤其強調他的無核世界理念和他為此所做的工作。”
“ 作為總統，奧巴馬在國際政治中創造了一種新氣象。多邊外交又重獲中心地位，強調聯合國和其他國際組織的作用。此際，對話和談判成為解決最複雜國際衝突的首選手段；由於，無核世界的觀念，有力地促進了裁軍和軍控談判。我儕感謝奧巴馬的倡議，美國如今正在為應對世介面臨的氣候變化巨大挑戰發揮建設性作用。”
“很少有人能像奧巴馬這樣引起全世界關注，讓人們期望更美好的未來。他的外交理念根植於這樣一種觀念，即世界領導者必須按照世界大多數人口的價值觀和看法去開展外交行動。”
“108年來，挪威諾貝爾委員會一直致力於推進這樣一種國際政治和國際政治理念，而如今奧巴馬是首席發言人。諾貝爾委員會贊許奧巴馬的呼籲，‘如今我們每個人擔負起自己的責任去應對全球挑戰了'。”』
奧巴馬將挪威諾貝爾委員會頒獎理由的聲明，反復地來回看了幾遍；於是，他開始懷疑自己和挪威諾貝爾委員會的成員，到底誰才是真正的政客；因為，他深知能夠擁有如此本事，寫出一篇表述繁複的文章，卻讓人家看起來，像什麼都沒說的人，才是一等一的政客。奧巴馬陷入深思，到底，威諾貝爾委員會的那班傢伙是在說他“啥都沒做”，還是在提醒他“千萬啥都不要做”呢？
當日，在白宮玫瑰園，奧巴馬隨即發表獲獎講話：
『早安！今早醒來竟是如此，這是我始料未及的。在我得知此消息後，瑪莉婭（Malia）走進來說：“爸爸，你獲諾貝爾獎了，而今天是波的生日！”，撒沙（Sasha）接著說：“還有，我們就要過三天長週末了。”所以，有孩子真是件好事，它讓我們對凡事保持清醒。
（這時，奧巴馬回頭多瞧一眼他的兩個女兒，心裏啐道：“他娘的，這兩個娃還是我的種嗎？這麼不會講話，肯定不能培養她們來接棒!”；同時，他還提醒自己保持微笑，扮出一付以她們為榮的嘴臉。）
諾貝爾獎委員會的決定，既令我驚訝，又讓我深自地省察。但請容我在此表明：我不能將此視為我個人成就的表彰；而是，作為美國領導階層在戮力實現所有國人的願望之肯定。。。（註2）』。
（先把白宮、國務院、國會這班傢伙一起拖下水再說吧!說著說著，奧巴馬心裏這樣想著。。。）
獲獎之後，于次日奧巴馬召集高級安全顧問，討論向阿富汗增兵事宜；據說，增兵人數將達到4萬。因此，美國作家格林沃爾德對此提出質疑，他在專欄中提及，雖然奧巴馬沒有發動伊拉克和阿富汗戰爭，但他仍是一個陷入兩場戰爭國家的總統；而且，美國目前的軍費開支幾乎是世界所有其他國家軍費的總和，對外軍售價值幾乎是全球總額的70%。
看來，奧巴馬腦筋還清醒，心智還正常！筆者相信，奧巴馬感覺此時此刻獲得這獎，無疑是被一塊美味的奶油蛋糕砸在臉上；不但，舔都不能夠舔它一下，還需保持笑容將它弄乾淨！
此外，奧巴馬已經打算將140萬美元的獎金全額捐出；如果，得獎的是馬英九，這筆獎金是該進【大水庫】還是【小水庫】呢？再說，這又不用發票報銷！
2009-10-14
註1：
和平獎與其他四個諾貝爾獎獎項有所不同，和平獎並非在瑞典頒發，而是在挪威首都奧斯陸。和平獎的評獎委員會是由5人組成的挪威諾貝爾委員會，其成員由挪威議會任命。
諾貝爾的遺囑寫明，和平獎應該獎給“為促進民族團結友好、取消或裁減常備軍隊，以及為和平會議的組織和宣傳盡到最大努力或作出最大貢獻的人（機構、組織）”。但由於諾貝爾沒有規定實施的細則，諾貝爾和平獎的評選始終存在爭議。
註2：
奧巴馬獲獎感言全文
Good morning. Well, this is not how I expected to wake up this morning. After I received the news, Malia walked in and said, "Daddy, you won the Nobel Peace Prize, and it is Bo's birthday." And then Sasha added, "Plus, we have a three-day weekend coming up." So it's -- it's good to have kids to keep things in perspective.
I am both surprised and deeply humbled by the decision of the Nobel Committee. Let me be clear, I do not view it as a recognition of my own accomplishments, but rather as an affirmation of American leadership on behalf of aspirations held by people in all nations.
To be honest, I do not feel that I deserve to be in the company of so many of the transformative figures who've been honored by this prize, men and women who've inspired me and inspired the entire world through their courageous pursuit of peace.
But I also know that this prize reflects the kind of world that those men and women and all Americans want to build, a world that gives life to the promise of our founding documents. And I know that throughout history the Nobel Peace Prize has not just been used to honor specific achievement; it's also been used as a means to give momentum to a set of causes.And that is why I will accept this award as a call to action, a call for all nations to confront the common challenges of the 21st century.
Now, these challenges can't be met by any one leader or any one nation. And that's why my administration's worked to establish a new era of engagement in which all nations must take responsibility for the world we seek.
We cannot tolerate a world in which nuclear weapons spread to more nations and in which the terror of a nuclear holocaust endangers more people. And that's why we've begun to take concrete steps to pursue a world without nuclear weapons: because all nations have the right to pursue peaceful nuclear power, but all nations have the responsibility to demonstrate their peaceful intentions.
We cannot accept the growing threat posed by climate change, which could forever damage the world that we pass on to our children, sowing conflict and famine, destroying coastlines and emptying cities.And that's why all nations must now accept their share of responsibility for transforming the way that we use energy.
We can't allow the differences between peoples to define the way that we see one another. And that's why we must pursue a new beginning among people of different faiths and races and religions, one based upon mutual interest and mutual respect.
And we must all do our part to resolve those conflicts that have caused so much pain and hardship over so many years. And that effort must include an unwavering commitment to finally realize that -- the rights of all Israelis and Palestinians to live in peace and security in nations of their own.
We can't accept a world in which more people are denied opportunity and dignity that all people yearn for: the ability to get an education and make a decent living, the security that you won't have to live in fear of disease or violence without hope for the future.
And even as we strive to seek a world in which conflicts are resolved peacefully and prosperity is widely shared, we have to confront the world as we know it today. I am the commander in chief of a country that's responsible for ending a war and working in another theater to confront a ruthless adversary that directly threatens the American people and our allies.
I'm also aware that we are dealing with the impact of a global economic crisis that has left millions of Americans looking for work.
These are concerns that I confront every day on behalf of the American people. Some of the work confronting us will not be completed during my presidency. Some, like the elimination of nuclear weapons, may not be completed in my lifetime.
But I know these challenges can be met, so long as it's recognized that they will not be met by one person or one nation alone. This award is not simply about the efforts of my administration; it's about the courageous efforts of people around the world.
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